


How the Home was Stuck

by LemonSquashParty



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Apocalypse, Crack, Homestuck - Freeform, John - Freeform, Other, no arms, penis - Freeform, the worst thing i have ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 03:37:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7151513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemonSquashParty/pseuds/LemonSquashParty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Guy Fieri is love. Guy Fieri is life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How the Home was Stuck

**Author's Note:**

  * For [snowmissus (soul_of_blaze)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/soul_of_blaze/gifts).



> My friends and I play this game where I explain things that I vaguely know about but have never seen. I came up with a very funny "explanation" for Homestuck, which they then explained to me in detail.   
> I forgot about homestuck, but I remember what I said. With the aid of a word document and some crappy weed, i came up with this.

John had no arms. He didn’t know how he had no arms, he just didn’t have them. At all. He couldn’t even jack off. What a shit. One day he was playing a video game. He also had no leg. Well, maybe one or three leg. Somewhere between one and infinity leg. He had so little leg that he was forced to play video games with his snaky penis.

                One day he felt his penis tugging towards his Xbox “what can this mean?” he exclaimed. It happened several times a day, but never towards his Xbox. Suddenly, he found hismself sucked into his own video game. “Where am I?” he exclaimed again.

                “You are inside a video game!” said a voice. A small troll stood beside him, “The Universe has been exploded by Guy Fieri!”

                “I’m sorry?” asked John, tying his penis around his waist like a sweatshirt, “I don’t recall Guy Fieri Ever blowing the universe. Just me mother”

                “My name is Terzi” said the troll, “I rule this land. You must build a new world out of Video Game materials, sort of like mine craft or whatever. You should start by building a home for youserlf”

                “V well” said John. He realized, he didn’t have arms or sufficient leg. He realized that he could arrange materials using his penis. He built a large home with no windows, because he was afraid of cutting off his penis on the glass. He used his forehead to wipe the chafed bits with oil afterwords.

                He concluded by going inside his house and shutting the door. All of a sudden Terzi put a giant dome on top of it, “Hey, what gives?” Cried John

                “I’ve tricked you!” cried Terzi, “You have built yourself a home and I have trapped you inside. I will destroy your race! One could say you were HOME-STUCK!!!! HA!!”

                “Hey that’s the title of the thing” observed John

                “Shut up” said Terzi, “You don’t even have leg”

                John was like, “what do I do?”

But then Eggbert was like, “Follow meh! I have tunneled udner the home and will save your soul, arm-less boy!”

“Eggbert?!” John was disbelief, “From Sonic?”

“Yes!” Eggbert said, adjusting his goggles, “Come on!” Eggbert lead John through his tunnel, and when they got out, Terzi was ENRAGED

“How-How?!” Terzi said enragedly.

“KISS ASS EVEIL TROLL” cried Eggbert, and he burned Terzi’s butt.

“She’s dead” laughed John

“Now you shall learn!” cried Eggbert, unzipping his genes and revealing his ultimate form. It was not Eggbert after all. ‘Twas Guy Fieri!

                “Oh, nuts!” Cried John

                “Time for John-town to become Flavor-town!” Cried Guy Fieri

                And Guy Fieri destroyed everything. The. End.


End file.
